What are my children suppose to do during Sunday service?

by Victor Chen

Let’s play an association game.

What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the following words?

Playground.
Toy store.
Library.
Classroom.
Church.

What words come to mind? What feelings come up? What memories are triggered? What associations are revealed?

If you couldn’t guess, all the words provided describe places from our childhood. The associations with these words come from years of repeated experience and ingrained messages, whether realized or not. 

The first two words could elicit feelings of joy and fun. These are places that encouraged play and enjoyment. 

The next two places could elicit feelings of boredom or obligation. We had to go to those places to read, study and pay attention. 

The final place is a toss-up. Though church may bring feelings of joy, that is not always common. More likely, our childhood experiences of church elicited feelings of duty and obligation, much like going to the library or to school. 

What associations do children have with church today? What associations are they making when church service comes via live stream?

These are the questions that haunt me as a Family Pastor. Frankly, these are questions that haunt me as a parent. 

Yes, we cannot always control what associations our children have with “church.” But, we can control the message they are receiving from us when it comes to “church.” 

As a parent, as a Church School teacher and as the Family Pastor, the message I want children to associate with church service is “listen.” I can’t control the hearts of children, but I can instill the call to “listen” during church service. From the children’s bulletin to the children’s messages, from the Church School points for completing sermon notes to prizes that reward listening during service, there is a constant battle to instill the association of “listening” with “church.” 

But if we don’t intentionally fight these battles, we lose our children and don’t relegate them to negative associations with “church.” We relegate them to ambivalent associations with “church.” 

Our children will learn to check out. Our children will learn to do their own thing as long as they keep quiet and don’t bother Mommy and Daddy. 

And what is the scariest word our children will associate with “church?”

Nothing.