Dispatches from the Home Front

by Victor Chen

I knew we were in for a battle.

People hinted that things would get bad, but we could never prepare for how things have turned out. Each day seemed to spiral as the numbers escalated. 

I’m not talking about the battle against this novel virus.

I’m referring to the battle that is raging in our homes.

Sibling fights are at an all time high. Parents are quickly running out of patience with their children (something you could never seem to stock up on). Spouses are short with each other and seem to drift further away.

What is going on? 

Being at home with each other all the time has brought to surface the relational dynamics that were always there. They were just accounted for by regular schedules, everyday expectations, healthy space, and more space. All of a sudden, our schedules meshed together, spaces became shared (without our permission!), and all breaks from each other gone. 

That is a perfect storm for relational conflict, and lots of it.

Whether it is explosive conflict rivaling that of a nighttime fireworks extravaganza or a cold war where everybody is threatening a nuclear option, the mood at home is tense to say the least.

Wretched men and women that we are, who can save us from this body of death?

Here are some practical tips from the Bible to help navigate the battle at home.

Engage rather than withdraw

Our tendency in conflict is to withdraw. We are more prone to remove ourselves from conflict, rather than to stay in it and engage. It’s easier to run away. 

But we are called to engage, pursue, and reconcile. Parents, it is easy to separate fighting children. It is difficult yet necessary to coach our children to engage each other. 

Reconcile rather than keep the peace

We are good at “keeping the peace”. That is just separating and acting like nothing happened. That just means the relationship stays on simmer for years until bitterness boils over.

We are called to reconcile, to acknowledge wrong, to forgive, and be forgiven. 

Above all else, forgive

We all know that the word, “Sorry”, can be flimsy. We need to be specific about what we are sorry for, “I am sorry for ___”. Be sure to also ask for forgiveness, “Please forgive me for ___”. 

When somebody asks for forgiveness, do not say, “It’s ok”. That doesn’t do anything. Say, “I forgive you”, and be sure you mean it.

When Jesus says that we should forgive our brother “seventy times seven”, he is not referring to the number of times we forgive, but rather the degree with which we forgive (Matthew 18:21-35). This is in contrast to to the degree with which we can act out in vengeance (Genesis 4:24).

The battle may rage in our homes, but that is ok. Conflict happens, especially when we’re around each other all the time.

The key is forgiveness, the forgiveness that comes only from Jesus. 

Let that rule in your home, especially in the midst of the battle.