by Danny Qian

After returning to the U.S. from my tour of duty during Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF), I was processing and dealing with so much from my time in combat that I didn’t know what to say or how to react even to a simple acknowledgment of my time in service from any civilians (whether family, friends, co-workers, or people I had just met). Even a simple, “Thank you for your service”, from them would cause me to experience a deep sense of anxiety as I would break eye contact and become awkwardly silent. I constantly thought to myself, “What is wrong with me?” I realized that I didn’t want to reflect on that time in my life or want people to even know that I was a veteran and fought in OIF. Maybe it was my feeling of guilt, that many of my brothers and sisters in arms did not make it back alive or with all their limbs, but I did. Maybe there were other trauma related issues with the things I witnessed and experienced that was going on in my head and psyche that needed to be processed and dealt with. One thing I do know is that the millions of war veterans in the U.S. departed their home one way and returned very different, if not completely changed. 

I am still trying to understand and process my post-OIF, often enigmatic and sometimes unsettling thoughts, feelings and behaviors. By the grace of God and his providence, I accepted Jesus during my time in Iraq. By the grace of God and through His amazing power of healing, I am so much better now when compared to how I was the first year or two of returning to the U.S. from Iraq. However, many of my brothers and sisters in arms never recovered as much as I have. I have personally witnessed and heard from others the countless stories of severe depression, drug and alcohol abuse, inability to get or hold any jobs due to psychological issues and acts of taking one’s own life. One Marine who took his own life was from my platoon and served with me for many years. I believe that just as the curse of sin has caused our body to be susceptible to disease and death, sin also caused our minds to be susceptible to psychological and mental damage. Mental health struggles can become debilitating without the proper treatments. 

Families are also impacted by a veteran’s time in service. During my time away, my parents and then girlfriend (now my wife) were constantly anxious about my well being to the point that my mom went to the ER because her elevated level of stress during that period caused certain physiological issues. There were definitely many uneasy telephone calls with loved ones before I had to depart the base for a long mission. Although I returned from my missions every time I stepped outside the wires, I could imagine those visits where an officer notifies the parents of their deceased son or daughter, or the wife or husband of the deceased spouse, and how earth shattering and painful that must feel for all the loved ones. 

I think during this Veterans Day, we really need to pray for the veterans who are dealing with mental health issues, struggling to return to the civilian world, or simply attempting to transition their way of life after years of acquiring and utilizing a skill set that just doesn’t transfer over to the civilian marketplace (i.e. an artilleryman or sniper in the military). Also, I would encourage everyone to pray for the families of the veterans who are in constant worry and left to manage life in the absence of their veteran during a tour of duty or time away. May God’s blessings cover our great nation and the Spirit guide our leaders to bring honor and glory to our Lord.